


A Light On

by Axilef



Series: Axilef's Playlist [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Goodbyes, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-18
Updated: 2013-10-18
Packaged: 2017-12-29 19:05:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1008950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axilef/pseuds/Axilef
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve’s gone off to fight a war, and all Tony Stark can do is wait and hope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Light On

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> So yeah, I really should update the other one there, and I already finished the draft for it, but i'm still making a few edits here and there, plus I have to pass it to my beta so I guess its still going to take a while for that one. Good news is, our finals are over, so I have the time now. :)
> 
> Soooo I was hoping you might also like this collection I'm starting. Its part of my Song-Fic Challenge my bestie dared me to do. So these will be a series of one-shots which may be or may not be connected to each other. :)
> 
> Love and Hugs to Ty for the beta work! :) All mistakes that remain are mine! :)

** ONE: A Light On **

Steve’s gone off to fight a war, and all Tony Stark can do is wait and hope.

…………………………

 _“Try to leave a light on when I’m gone_ __  
Even in the daylight, shine on  
And when it’s late at night you can look inside  
You won’t feel so alone”

_-Light On (David Cook)_

…………………………

There are times in his life that Tony wishes he could truly be selfish.

Nothing compared to this burning need to stop Steve from leaving, right here and right now, as they stood in the middle of the station, waiting for the bus that would take a group of young men on their way to a foreign land.

To fight in a war not of their own making.

To leave behind the people they love to face death.

To die for the sake of their country.

Brave, foolish, good men.

Brave, foolish, good Steve.

He still doesn’t know how to feel, knowing what the love of his life is getting himself into.

But what can he do really?

No one forced Steve to enlist in the army.

No one made Steve believe in the greater good the war is for.

No one convinced Steve that the best way to help and protect people is to become a soldier.

No one told Steve to leave and to possibly never come back.

All of this was Steve’s choice and his alone.

And it hurts. Knowing that no matter how much Steve may profess to value him and their friendship. It wasn’t enough.

Enough to make him _stay_.

And it made sense. Steve’s only living family, his mother, had succumbed to cancer just a year ago. His “brother”, Bucky, had already enlisted and is already waiting in Afghanistan. All that’s left are friends and Tony, but really, did he think Steve would stay for him?

But despite all the anger and disappointment he felt right from the moment Steve told him of his decision until now, in that moment as he stood beside the man he would sacrifice everything for to be with, he couldn’t stay away.

If these were the last moments they would ever get to have, Tony would swallow every fear and every tear, just to spend precious time with Steve.

He loved him too much to hate him.

He loved him too much to not respect his dream.

He loved him too much to not set him free.

He loved him too much to not accept that this was part of who Steve is.

And it’s the greatest irony of all, to think that the same goodness that made Tony fall for the man is the same goodness that will tear Steve away from him.

“Thank you for seeing me off.” Steve’s voice is warm and mellow, and the thought of how this might be the last time he ever hears the voice that used to comfort and made him feel safe through all these years, makes his knees weak.

But he can’t let Steve see any weakness. Tony had to be strong and brave, even just a little bit, for Steve.

“Wouldn’t have missed it for the world.” He replies, with every bit of snark he could muster.

“If it’s any consolation, I’ll definitely miss you.” Steve grins, baring that glorious, open smile that never failed to make Tony’s heart skip a beat.

And for that one brief moment, Tony almost told Steve.

Of how it’s tearing Tony apart, to see him go and leave.

Of how scared Tony is of losing Steve.

Of how much Tony loved him.

But Tony won’t do that. He would never do something that would ruin their friendship. He would never reveal the only secret he has ever kept from his best friend. Steve doesn’t even like guys that way, so what was the point?

 It was simply too late for that.

He had thought that they had more time. He had hoped that eventually, he would be able to gather the courage to confess. He had prayed that someday, maybe Steve would return his feelings if he just waited long enough. If he just became good enough.

But then the war came. And everything changed.

He was losing Steve.

“Nah, you’d be having too much fun with Bucky there.” He teases, with his heart lightening at the thought that at least Steve won’t be alone.

Steve chuckles and Tony just basks in the moment, savouring every sound and committing every detail to memory. Tony chatters away, demanding letters and phone calls, outlining his plans for the coming summer break.

He would miss Steve dearly. He is the only one who understands him completely and trusts him without a doubt. He made Tony feel that he can be more than what his father expected or what the world wanted him to be. He made Tony feel loved and accepted.

Steve is his rudder in the tumultuous world he was born in.

What would Tony do without him?

They see the bus coming in a distance, and Steve grabs his bag, face filled with determination, movements giddy with anticipation.

He would miss that face. That expression. Everything.

“Take care of yourself, Tony” Steve tells him sternly, “Remember to eat properly and don’t shut people out.”

He laughs, Steve can be such a mother hen. But then again, Tony can be such a child.

Always being a burden. That’s why he never said anything.

He never really deserved Steve.

“Yes, mother.” He replies. And the sadness is back, as he wonders when they will ever be able to tease each other like this again.

“Come back, okay?” Tony manages to say as normal as he can, despite the ache in his throat. And throwing all caution to the wind, he pulls the blond into a hug.

“I will.” Steve replies and as fast as it begun, the hug ends.

Tony knows he will hold on to those two words.

That even if it doesn’t mean anything for both of them, he would take that promise and treasure it. 

And it burns. Knowing that no matter how long it took, he would wait.

Everyday, he would pray to every deity and god in existence to keep him safe.

Everyday, he would dream of the day Steve finally comes home.

Everyday, he would hope and believe in this man.

They smile at each other one last time.

Tony stood there and kept looking until the bus disappeared from view.

Somehow, he feels empty.

Without Steve, he had always felt so alone. But he had to try his best to keep it together. To make Steve proud of him. By the time he was out of the station, he thought he was feeling a bit lighter.

He was driving home when the tears came.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Years later, Tony would always think of this day as the day he lost him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think of it!  
> Reviews are absolutely welcome!
> 
> Kudos is love! :)
> 
>  
> 
> Follow me on tumbler! This is my account: http://willowall.tumblr.com/
> 
>  
> 
> And a little something for TBLAFA readers...
> 
> Chapter 3:  
> Where Steve remembers, James is determined and Alexandra struggles to keep moving forward.


End file.
